Want some laughs you can’t turn down? These Mafia puns and jokes are here to make you smile. With funny wordplay and mob-style humor, they’re a “hit” of laughter. Get ready for jokes that are criminally funny and easy to enjoy!
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Mafia Puns
I gave him an offer he really couldn’t say no to.
He doesn’t play cards; he only deals in real dough.
That guy is a chief-brewer of trouble.
Don’t even try to mess with my pasta.
He joined the gang to kill time.
She’s the godmother of treats.
My mob joke?
Too low-level to be funny.
They went to the bakery for a little business in bread.
He’s always late what a boss of delays.
The gangster turned gardener he loves organized plots.
Watch out or he’ll take over your style.
He’s so slick, he could wash silk clean.
The mobster only listens to saxophone hits and orders.
Everyone calls him the don of donuts.
She’s great at plans so masterful.
He doesn’t run cars, he runs a mobile operation.
Never play cards with him he’s too sharp.
He tried robbing a bakery talk about flour power.
His favorite pasta?
He says forget-about-it-nini.
The mafia chef makes sauce you can’t say no to.
He’s more than a boss; he’s a cheese boss.
That gangster loves sweets he’s a candy don.
He doesn’t fight he solves with style.
Don’t block him, or you might get hit by mistake.
Favorite music?
Definitely crime-o-ke.
He opened a pizza shop he’s now a slice don.
She’s very sneaky the hidden queen.
He hides everything always cloak and hidden.
He likes tea mafia-style brewing.
He always wears suits he’s full of boss energy.
I borrowed money… and learned about loan sharks.
He tells jokes too-king of mafia jokes.
Gangsters don’t run marathons they do fast escapes.
His favorite board game?
Monopoly, obviously.
He always has a plan never forgets anything.
Mafia Puns One Liners
I gave him a deal he couldn’t say no to… my last slice of pizza.
Don’t bother me or you’ll get sauced.
That mobster owns a bakery he’s the bread boss.
She’s the godmother of treats respect the cookies.
He joined the gang to kill boredom.
The gangster became a gardener he loves tidy plots.
Never lend him money he’s a shark with loans.
He’s always late true boss of delays.
That chef makes sauce you can’t refuse.
He only plays cards he can stack the deck.
Don’t block him or you might get hit by mistake.
His favorite pasta?
Forget-about-it noodles.
The mobster opened a pizza shop he’s now a slice boss.
He doesn’t fight; he talks his way through trouble.
That gangster loves sweets he’s a candy boss.
She’s super sneaky the hidden queen.
He hides things like they’re treasure maps.
Favorite music?
Crime karaoke.
Gangsters don’t run races they do quick escapes.
He tells dad jokes the don of laughs.
He’s so smooth, he could wash silk clean.
Don’t cross him he’ll steal your style.
He doesn’t drive cars he runs a moving operation.
That bartender serves drinks you can’t refuse.
Everyone calls him the don of donuts.
He’s a master of plans strategy with a punch.
He tried robbing a bakery flour power strikes.
She’s great at scheming mafia clever.
He always wears suits ready-for-business boss.
He made a plan so smart…it’s underboss approved.
He’s the king of threats… and pizza slices.
That gangster loves coffee he’s a cappuccino boss.
He doesn’t whisper; he orders like a don.
He turned a car wash into a money-cleaning business.
The chef said, “Eat my spaghetti you can’t refuse.”
Funny Mafia Puns
I gave him a slice of pizza, and he made me an offer I couldn’t say no to.
That mobster doesn’t steal money he steals cookies.
She’s the godmother of snacks don’t mess with her crumbs.
He joined the gang because staying home was boring.
Don’t annoy him, or you might get sauced.
The mafia barber gives only cutting-edge haircuts.
He owns a bakery he loves extra dough.
That gangster drinks coffee he’s a cappuccino boss.
I asked the don for advice he said, “Fix your problems, not your pasta.”
He doesn’t fight; he solves things with cookies.
She’s sneaky the hidden queen of candy.
Never lend him money he’s a loan shark with sprinkles.
The mobster opened a pizza shop he’s the slice boss.
He hides things like buried treasure.
Favorite music?
Crime karaoke.
Gangsters don’t run they do quick escape sprints.
He tells dad jokes he’s the don of laughs.
He’s so smooth, he could wash silk with style.
He always wears suits full boss energy.
The mafia chef makes spaghetti you really can’t refuse.
That gangster loves sweets he’s a candy boss.
Don’t get in his way he’ll steal your style.
He’s always late true boss of delays.
He turned a car wash into a money-cleaning business.
That bartender serves drinks you can’t say no to.
She’s smart at planning clever mafia style.
He tried robbing a bakery flour power strikes.
The mobster runs a garden organized plots with style.
He only plays cards he can cheat a little.
He’s the king of threats… and pizza slices.
That gangster loves tea mafia-style brewing.
He doesn’t whisper; he gives orders like a don.
He’s always ready plans approved by the underboss.
That mobster gives hugs… if you don’t refuse.
His favorite pasta?
Forget-about-it noodles.
Mafia Jokes
Why did the mobster bring a ladder?
To climb to the top of the family.
How do mafia cooks greet people?
“You can’t refuse my pasta!”
Why did the gangster nap in the bakery?
To rest on the dough.
What do you call a mafia cat?
A purr-fect boss.
Why did the mobster join the gang?
Boredom needed killing.
What dessert do gangsters love?
Cannoli, it’s unforgettable.
Why did the mob barber open shop?
To give hair-raising advice.
How do mobsters clean money?
With a fearful laundry.
What game do gangsters enjoy?
Monopoly, naturally.
Why did the mafia gardener win awards?
His plots were tidy.
How do gangsters stay fit?
Quick escape runs.
Why don’t mobsters use elevators?
They take steps to power.
How do gangsters order coffee?
With a little cappuccino boss.
Why did the gangster go to school?
To get better at being an underboss.
What do you call a mafia dog?
A ruff boss.
Why did the mobster bake?
He wanted extra dough.
How do gangsters send secret notes?
Using pasta code.
Why do gangsters love puzzles?
They enjoy solving crime pieces.
What music do mobsters like?
Crime-o-ke.
How do gangsters take breaks?
They disappear quietly.
Why did the mafia chef get promoted?
His sauce was too good.
How do gangsters greet each other?
“Catch you later!”
Why did the mobster plant a garden?
To keep his plots neat.
How do gangsters relax?
Sitting down peacefully.
Why do gangsters love sweets?
Because they’re candy bosses.
How do mobsters drive?
Carefully in getaway cars.
Why did the gangster open a pizza shop?
To slice into business.
How do mobsters play cards?
They always stack the deck.
Why did the mafia cat sit on dough?
To feel like a boss.
How do gangsters celebrate birthdays?
With a capo-cake.
Why did the mobster bring a briefcase to dinner?
He had business with pasta.
How do gangsters check the time?
With the underboss clock.
Why did the mafia boss go jogging?
To escape trouble fast.
How do gangsters order ice cream?
“Make it a crime cone.”
Why did the mobster skip dessert?
He was full of schemes and cream.
Italian Mafia Jokes
Why did the Italian gangster bring spaghetti?
To tie up loose ends.
How do mafia cooks say hello?
“You can’t refuse my sauce!”
Why did the mobster sit on pasta?
To feel like the boss.
What do you call an Italian mafia cat?
A perfect little don.
Why did the gangster go to the bakery?
To get extra dough.
Which dessert do Italian mobsters love?
Cannoli it’s too good to resist.
Why did the mafia barber open a shop?
To give sharp advice.
How do gangsters clean their money?
With a touch of olive oil.
What game do Italian mobsters like?
Pasta-opoly.
Why did the mafia gardener win a prize?
His tomato plots were perfect.
How do Italian gangsters stay fit?
Quick gondola getaways.
Why don’t mobsters take elevators?
They prefer steps to power.
How do they order coffee in Italy?
With a cappuccino twist.
Why did the gangster go to school?
To get better at being underboss.
What do you call an Italian mafia dog?
A ruff don.
Why does the mobster love pizza?
Extra slices mean extra influence.
How do gangsters send secret notes?
Using pasta code.
Why do they like puzzles?
Solving pieces of crime.
What music do Italian gangsters enjoy?
Opera-o-ke.
How do gangsters take vacations?
They vanish to Sicily.
Why did the mafia chef get a promotion?
His pasta can’t be refused.
How do Italian gangsters say hi?
“See you at dinner… or not.”
Why did the mobster plant a garden?
To keep plots neat.
How do gangsters relax?
With a slow espresso.
Why do Italian gangsters love sweets?
They are sweet bosses.
How do mafia members drive?
Carefully in their Maserati getaway car.
Why did the gangster open a pizzeria?
To slice into business.
How do mobsters play cards?
They always stack the deck.
Why did the mafia cat sit on ravioli?
To feel like a boss.
How do gangsters celebrate birthdays?
With a capo-cake.
Why did the mobster bring a briefcase to dinner?
He had business with pasta.
How do gangsters tell time?
With the underboss clock.
Why did the mafia boss jog along Venice canals?
For a quick escape.
How do Italian gangsters order gelato?
“Make it a crime cone.”
Why did the mobster skip dessert?
He was already full of schemes and sauce.
